


When it Matters

by demonvampire180



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Homophobic Language, Language, M/M, Older Characters, Romance, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 14:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonvampire180/pseuds/demonvampire180
Summary: Eric Cartman really knew how to push peoples buttons, and after six years of constant name calling Craig is really beginning to wonder what to label himself. Can he really be gay if he's never had any interest in anyone other than Tweak? And if he isn't gay has the last six years of his life been a sham? With no one to talk to, and no one to understand, Craig is left alone in the bitter darkness of his own thoughts.





	When it Matters

**Author's Note:**

> So originally I planned to just make one long chapter, but there's so many scene jump cuts I figured it would be better to make two chapters just for ease. A few quick things:
> 
> 1) They're sixteen, so roughly six years have passed.
> 
> 2) They're likely out of character because my obsession doesn't dive that deep.
> 
> 3) Hahaha. It's gonna be repetitive. Like super repetitive. Because Craig literally questions himself like 100 times.
> 
> 4) I wrote this in one go with very little editing.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Oh my God Craig, you're so fucking gay!”

How many times had he heard that come of the fatasses mouth in ten years? He had lost count, refuting it over and over again until he said it almost on auto-pilot. Today was no exception as he waved to Tweak who was on his way to his parents coffee shop. Though the boys nerves had calmed down slightly after his body had simply adjusted to the daily overdose of caffeine his blond hair was still a mess and Craig often found himself correcting the buttons on his shirt the few times he wore his trademark long sleeve polo. (He had switched over to mostly t-shirts when he realized that his hands shook too much to button more than two or three buttons correctly.) “For fucks sake Cartman, I'm not gay.” He hissed, painfully aware of his boyfriends overly astute hearing. If he heard him say that there was no doubt that he would go into a tizzy about the state of their relationship. “I don't know why I have to keep telling you that.”

Eric snorted, grinning. “Dude. You literally just kissed another man and called him _honey_ – ugh that makes me wanna throw-up – and if that's not gay I don't know what is.”

Craig groaned loudly and rolled his eyes, turning his icy glare on the chronic button pusher. “Of course I'm going to kiss him, he's my boyfriend stupid. Since the only relationship you've ever had was with a girl leading you around by the nose, for God knows how long, you wouldn't understand.”

The other boy sighed and shook his head. “Tsk tsk, Craig. Did you not just hear yourself? The only guys who go out with other guys are gay people. And Heidi was _not_ leading me around by the nose; I had _total_ control over that relationship.”

“That doesn't make me gay!” Craig felt his anger bubbling in his stomach and his fists shook at his side. He knew that he didn't like guys, that was just a fact. “And you were definitely her bitch so fuck off.”

“I mean... It kind of does.” Kyle muttered, having made himself at home on the front stairs to the school, having just come from some club activity or another. “You guys have been a couple longer than most adults in this town have been married. You're the poster child for a successful relationship.” He pulled out his phone to scroll through Facebook having said his piece. And that pissed Craig off. What did he know?

“You know what? Fuck both you guys. I'm _not gay_ and just because you say it's true doesn't mean it is.” He gave them both the middle finger before storming past Eric, slamming his shoulder roughly against his as he did.

“Better get your honey boo to kiss your anger away you little fag!” Eric shouted after him. Craig didn't want to know what kind of face he was making because if he turned back now this afternoon was going to turn into a first degree murder scene. “God that kid is so emotional, he's probably on his man period.” Cartman snickered once Craig was out of earshot, smirking. “I mean he's just in denial. I bet he and Tweak fuck like rabbits behind closed doors.”

“Dude. That's not even any of your business.” Kyle stood and slipped his phone into his coat pocket. “And why do you keep pressing the issue? Obviously he's not comfortable talking about it, let alone admitting to it.” He questioned, heavily, why he continued to hang out with the fatass when he never did anything except play the victim.

“I'm just trying to help him, Kyle.” He whined, flipping his bangs dramatically. “I fully believe that everybody should live their true lives, whether they're gay or Jewish.” Some things obviously would just never change. “And anyway, he keeps bringing up that vegan bitch from fourth grade so why can't I bring up _his_ dirty past?”

“That's called being petty, Cartman, and nobody likes a petty human. Anyway, let's move; Stan has texted me like, thirty times that he's already waiting at the park.” Without another word he headed in the direction of the only park in the city with his friends heavy footsteps falling in line behind him. Something about Craig's defensiveness tugged at the back of his mind but he brushed it aside. Whatever was holding him back from admitting the truth was his own business.

Craig, still fuming, unwittingly stormed his way all the way to Tweek's Coffee Shop where the youngest member of the family stood manning the register. When he entered, the blond's face immediately lit up, his entire body twitching in excitement. “C-Craig!” His voice did that cute squeaking thing that happened any time he was trying to remain calm. “What are you doing here? Did s-something happen? Oh God, you didn't kill Eric did you? Oh Jesus, w-what are we going to do?” Craig's bad mood instantly vanished as he nearly doubled over in laughter at the earnestness of Tweak's questions. It was kind of endearing how much he worried, and troublesome knowing that, should Craig ever commit a heinous crime, he would do anything to help him cover it up. “I-I can't leave right now, oh Jesus Christ, what should I do?”

Trying to gain his composure Craig waved his worries down, sucking in deep breaths of air so that he could speak. “Babe, calm down.” He stepped behind the counter and pecked him on the cheek. Brushing a few strands of oily hair away (he would make sure he showered tonight) he replied, “As much as I wanted to stick my foot so far up his ass his intestines started coming out the other side I held back. You don't have to do anything at all.”

The blond blinked rapidly as if he hadn't quite understood. “T-then what are you d-doing here? Don't you have work?”

Craig turned away, blushing. He didn't want to admit that, in his blind rage his feet led him here without him realizing it. Any lie would do... “I just.. I wanted to see you before I went.”

“But the game shop is in the other direction...”

“Y-yeah well I could use the exercise.” Damn him and being observant at the most inopportune time. “Anyway I should really go otherwise I _will_ be late. I'll text you later, okay?” He finally turned back around, though his face was still bright red. “Are you coming over tonight?”

Tweak smiled literally from ear to ear, his white teeth actually gleaming. “Of course! I'll definitely text you when I get a break.” Unable to hold back Craig smiled as well, brushed his hand through that unruly hair one last time before sauntering out of the shop. He was feeling high on dopamine and good vibes.

When he arrived to work he was already a few minutes late, but his coworker that day was totally chill about it, explaining that the shop had been dead all day. No big name games had come out in months, and their supply was kind of limited considering how few people they had coming in to sell or exchange titles. Pretty much every game they had Craig, and most of the people in town, had already played to death.

After clocking in he took his position behind the computer where he started entering in numbers for inventory. About an hour passed in silence, broken only by the occasional phone call, when Craig's mind started to wander. He started thinking about the conversation he'd had earlier that day about his sexuality. Cartman hadn't exactly been wrong about what he said, but calling himself gay just didn't seem to fit the bill for how to define himself. So maybe he should consult someone else. (Though that bastard Kyle had been there and had agreed with that brunette piece of shit... He didn't count though.)

“Hey, can I ask you a question?” His fingers slowed on the keyboard and he marked his place on the spreadsheet with a pen.

“Sure man.” His coworker replied without turning to look at him, continuing to meticulously place merchandise back on the already impeccably organized shelves. “What's up?”

The question caught in his throat but after a brief moment of hesitation he finally managed to ask, “If a dude is going out with another dude, does that automatically mean that they're gay?”

“Uh-oh, trouble in paradise?” The older man turned slightly, and gave him an almost knowing look out of the corner of his eye, as if trying to communicate he understood the turbulence of relationships. “Your guy doing something questionable?”

“No!” He barked, regretting having bothered to ask. He sometimes forgot that the entire town was basically the reason he and Tweak started dating in the first place. Any time something happened between them the whole place freaked out. “There's nothing happening between us, I just wanted to get someone elses opinion.”

His coworker turned back to what he was doing and shrugged. “I mean yeah, I guess. I don't think that _I_ would go out with another guy. That would just be weird, you know? No offense to you or anything.” He hastily added.

Craig sighed, disappointed even though he had expected that answer. “But isn't there more to being gay than just dating the same gender? Like Mr. Garrison. He's dated lots of guys, and even became a woman for awhile.”

“Do you mean like having sex and stuff?”

“Well sure.”

“I mean I think that if you're gay it means that you want to have sex with your partner, too, but not always.”

“But if you've only ever dated one person, and that person is the same gender, but you don't like anyone else that's the same gender, does that still make someone gay?”

“Craig, I don't understand what you're asking. If you are with a guy then you must be gay, and if you're with a girl then you're either straight or you're lying. I don't think it's that complicated.” He finished the product he was working on and came back to the registers, a stern look on his aged face. “If you're questioning yourself then you should definitely talk to Tweak sooner rather than later. You don't want to let it get out of hand, or to lead him on.”

“I'm not!” Craig whined defensively, scowling at the screen in front of him. “Anyway, forget I even asked.” He pecked out a few more numbers and realizing he couldn't concentrate muttered, “I gotta take a piss. I'll be back.” Before the guy could say anything back he disappeared into the staff only bathroom with his phone. The small LED light in the corner blinked green a few times indicating that he had unread messages. _Must be Tweak._ He thought, smiling. To his surprise, though, when he turned the screen on it showed that Kyle had texted him. Once again his mood soured. _What the fuck does this douchebag want?_

He opened it and scanned it quickly: _hey man, sorry about cartman earlier he's a total douche. is something wrong? you seemed really pissed when you left and if you wanna talk about it let me know_

It kind of surprised him. Kyle had been friends with that bag of dicks for as long as he could remember, and even though they were constantly at each others throats they always seemed to have the other persons back in the end. What should he say?

He leaned back against the door and just stared at the screen for a few minutes before deciding what to do. i _wouldn't care if that motherfucker died jumping off a bridge tomorrow, at least if he did the job himself i wouldn't have to worry about being accused of murder._ Send. Not a minute later his phone vibrated.

_Hahaha yeah he's pretty bad. Seriously though are you okay, dude? I haven't seen you that pissed off in ages._

Why not just tell him? _I'm_ not _alright but no one seems to wanna listen._

_well i'm not tweak so i'm not sure you would wanna talk to me but come hang out tomorrow and we can talk. The house will be empty, my family is going out on a day trip or some shit._

Hang out with a fucking redhead backstabber on his day off...? Maybe it could be a fresh breath of air. s _ure dude, whatever._ A second later Kyle texted back a peace sign emoji and then nothing else. There was still an unread message symbol in the corner of his phone. This one was from his loving boyfriend informing him that he believed that missiles were on their way and how he didn't know what to do. Craig reassured him that the last places nuclear missiles would be headed would be a small Colorado town with nothing of importance inside of it.

A heavy pounding on the door shook him from his thoughts. “You're not getting paid to piss in the toilet so get your ass back out here.”

“Can it, I'm coming.” Craig stuffed his phone back into his pocket, adjusted his hair in the mirror, and headed back into the store. His shift ended in a few hours and then he would finally be free. Thank God.

Hours dragged by and Craig could count on one hand the number of customers that came in. He even felt vaguely thankful when an uninformed grandparent showed up to buy a gift for their grandkid because they asked innumerable questions and wasted approximately half an hour of his time. On any normal day he would have found himself huffing and puffing, rolling his eyes, after question three but not today. When the clock finally changed to nine, Craig was out the door before the manager could open his mouth to utter a single word. Tweak was waiting outside, dressed in blue jeans and an over-sized hoody. He didn't grow much in ten years and so he was considerably shorter than Craig. It was obvious any time that he borrowed his clothes because he looked like an actual dwarf in them. The SPHS sweatshirt was no exception. “Hey babe.”

“Hey.” They shuffled quietly on the spot for a moment before Tweak muttered, “So you know about those missiles I was worried about earlier-”

“Yeah yeah, I know. You can tell me all about them over video games at my place.” Grabbing his hand he started down the road towards his house. Upon arriving home he immediately went into the kitchen to make something to eat, AKA heating up the spaghetti his mother had made for dinner, because he was absolutely famished. He made some for Tweak as well, though he probably wasn't super hungry. Caffeine really knew how to crash an appetite. They settled into the couch, their arms a hairs breadth away, to kill some zombies and to slurp some noodles.

“I'm definitely going to win this time, Craig. I can f-feel it.”

“Not a chance in _hell_ man, I am the king of this fucking game.” Craig dramatically slurped up a noodle and smacked his lips, almost mocking him.

“That's fucking bullshit and you know it!” Tweak squeaked, gripping the controller like a viper with its prey. He was ready and raring to go.

Chuckling menacingly Craig hit start and the game was on. They played for a solid two and a half hours with the older boy beating Tweak into a proverbial pulp. By the time they set their controllers aside the blond was on the verge of a breakdown, agitated beyond belief. “I told you so.” He quipped, wrapping an arm around his shaking shoulders. “This game is my domain.”

“I-I think you're a fucking cheater.” Tweak slumped against him, the anger in his eyes disappearing. Quick to anger but even quicker to resignation. “AH! I was so caught up in the game I forgot to tell you about the nukes!”

“Heh, guess I make a pretty good distraction.”

“But Craig, they're coming-” Craig leaned over and silenced him with a kiss. “Hey.”

“You should go shower Tweak. You're starting to smell like Stripes cage.” He frowned and looked ready to protest but ended up just shrugging, resigning to the thought. “I'll go wash the dishes while you're up there.” He kissed him again before pushing himself off the couch. Tweak didn't follow but instead peered nervously out the window. “If we _are_ going to get nuked you might as well be clean for the end of the world.”

“Eh, no, that's definitely not what I was thinking about. I was just...”

“God Tweak just go bathe!” Craig rolled his eyes and disappeared into the kitchen. Eventually he heard the soft footsteps disappear upstairs and the shower turn on. There were only a few dishes so he washed them manually, noticing that the water upstairs turned off almost exactly at the same time as the kitchen sink. As he dried his hands the door to what he assumed was is room slammed shut. Shrugging he headed back into the living room to wait. He didn't have to wait for long because Tweak soon appeared wearing his own sweatshirt but a pair of baggy sweatpants that sagged heavily and bunched up around his feet. Without a word he climbed back onto the couch and snuggled in close. Craig could smell the cheap shampoo he used wafting from the still damp hair and it made his insides tingle. There was something special about the person you loved wearing, or using, the same scent. “At least now you don't smell like a barn.” He joked, hoping that his sarcasm would get across.

“Yeah well, with the shampoo _you_ use I'm surprised you can tell the difference!”

 _Zing._ “Haha, fuck you man.” They settled into the couch, listening to the silence for awhile when a nagging thought started pulling at the back of Craig's mind again. It was the same question he'd been asking himself pretty much the entire day and it wouldn't go away. “Hey Tweak.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“I mean you kinda already did.”

Craig held back a groan. “Not _that question._ ”

“I'm joking, Craig. Ask anything you want.”

He sighed and chewed his bottom lips, contemplating the consequences of his next words. If taken the wrong way tonight could end a rather sour note. “So like... You know how we've been together for six years now?”

“What about it?”

He worried his lip a little bit harder, his grip tightening around the slim shoulders. “Well have you ever thought about... Oh I don't know... whether you're _actually_ gay?” He felt him shrug. “Is that I no?”

“Craig I've never even considered it.” His body was trembling now, though it was akin to the familiar twitch he had when he was uncomfortable. “When we were in fourth grade we just kind of went along with it, and now we're here. I-it's too much pressure for me to think about it.”

“Don't you think that's weird though? I mean we hated that all those Asian girls were drawing pictures of us because we insisted that we _weren't_ gay.” Tweak pulled away and turned his wide eyed gaze on Craig. There was something else in his look, something he hadn't seen in a very long time. A degree of uncertainty he had only only seen a few times before, during some of their darker moments together. “What?”

His mouth hung open as he searched for words. “You think it's weird... That we're together?”

“No, of course not but-”

“Then what's weird?”

A bubble of anger boiled in the pit of his stomach and keeping it down was a monumental task. Taking a deep breath he replied, “I don't think it's weird that we're together, you're the best thing that's happened to me, but isn't it weird that the town basically made us into what we are? Before us the only gay people they had were Mr. Garrison, Mr. Slave, and Big Gay Al.”

Tweak was physically freaking out now, his eye twitching, his hands pulling at damp strands of blond hair, and his mouth flopping like a fish. “A town can't m-make you gay, dude. That's not how it works.”

“Then you're honestly telling me that, if we ever broke up, you would find another guy? You can say straight to my face that you've never thought about fucking a girl or eventually getting married, and having kids?”

“Of course I've thought about that but I always thought about having that with you.” He bit hard into his bottom lip. “E-ever since fourth grade the only person I've thought about b-being with is _you_ , Craig. It hadn't ever really crossed my mind. Okay well. Maybe a few times in fifth grade but... No.” The tension in the room grew thicker as the rage built inside both of them. Craig wasn't even certain where his anger was being directed. Was it at this hocus pocus bullshit of a city? Was it at his boyfriend who was honest to a fault? Or was he mad at himself for not just letting sleeping dogs lay? “If you wanna go be with some girl, then fine, I get it, but if you're trying to tell me that we're not gay then you've got another thing coming.”

“God dammit we're not gay!” The anger bubbled over and word vomitted all over the place. “I could _never_ fall in love with a guy!”

“So you're saying you're not in love with me?” His voice cracked when he reached the upper limit of his range. “Have the last six years been a God damn joke to you?”

Craig jumped to his feet, hands balled into fists at his side. “Do you think that I could be this stupid lovey-dovey with someone I didn't care about?” His heart pounded in his ears and he could feel the rush of warm blood in his cheeks. “I'm saying that if it were any other dude than you it could never happen.”

Tweak was on his feet now, facing away from him, unsteady on his feet. “I can't talk to you like this, _**FUCK.**_ ” He inhaled sharply. “If this is how you're going to act then I'm leaving. This is way too much pressure and I cannot fucking deal with it.”

“Fine, then just leave. Leave like you always do when the going gets tough; when the world gets a little too real. Fucking get out of here!” His voice was so loud it echoed off the walls in the living room, resonating deep within both his body and his soul. Before he could even consider what he was doing he was waving both middle fingers in the air, knowing full well the blond couldn't even see them.

“Fine Craig. Fuck you, dude. Fuck you.” Without turning around once Tweak stormed out the door, slamming it shut with every ounce of strength he had as he did. As soon as he was gone Craig slumped back into the couch and a heavy sob choked its way out from his throat. He knew things were going to end up this way and yet he had to open his big, fat, stupid mouth.

They had never fought like this before. What if when he woke up tomorrow he lost everything he had going for him? The thought brought more aching sobs as he fell sideways into the couch, hugging a tattered pillow to his chest.

 


End file.
